brokenbuddha (brokenbuddha) wrote,

Years Ago

"I wake up scared,
I wake up strange,
I wake up wondering
If anything in my life is ever gonna change."
Barenaked Ladies

Ages ago, when I first heard that song, I claimed it as my own. I always felt out of place and alone and I wondered if I would ever find my way home. It was such a foreign concept: home. A place where I could be at peace, not only physically but within myself as well.

Now I'm there. All the suffering Years Ago Me went through was for a purpose. I became Me - strong, playful, full of life and joy and empathy. I have a husband who means the world to me and I see that reflected every day in the way he cares for me. We are building a beautiful home together, complete with furry children. The career path I've chosen is slowly becoming a reality. In other words, all of my dreams are coming true. I've come home.

I hear that song now and it makes me weep. Poor, strange child that I was. Always so awkward, always longing to belong. I wish I could go back in time and soothe away her fears and her pain. Then again, if I hadn't gone through all I did, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Remembering to honor the journey - I think that's what I need to recognize today.
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